Hello everyone! I'm going to jump right into this topic. I wrote about my anger with men 2 years ago. The truth of the matter is, I didn't exactly identify why I was angry because I didn't know at the time. The blog I wrote on Easter weekend 2022 was rather vague about my anger to be honest – I went back and looked at it. Feel free to read it if you want to, you will see what I mean. Today, however, I know why I was angry; and I know the path forward.
I've been angry a long time with men who didn't care for me or love me as I deserved. The ironic thing is, I kept aligning myself with men who didn't have the capacity nor the want to love and care for me as I deserved. I know now they were hurting too, hence their inability to love well. I also know that I spent many years hating myself too. No wonder there was so much anger and toxic mess in my life. If you know me personally, you know I have been good at hiding things and hiding from things I did not want to face. Well friends, I'm not hiding anymore. I've had to re-learn how to communicate all over again. You don't communicate or at least I didn't when I was so angry. I either went silent or lashed out. I didn't have an in-between and none of this was healthy. Please don't misunderstand me, sometimes we need silence to think and process, that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about seething silence – a silence where things go unsaid. A silence that destroys your physical body and your capacity to relate in healthy ways. Lashing out was no better because by the time I was doing that, I was so angry I couldn't think straight. I have said “terrible and true” things when I've lashed out. The problem is “terrible and true” benefits no one. Truth without love is not only accusatory, it both crushes and then kills all over again. I say this because the person you are usually “telling the truth” to usually already feels bad enough about themselves as a person. The extra harsh “truth telling” and additional accusation only serves to push them further down into despair and shame, as well as further away from you! You in essence crush them with the “truth” and accusation which kills any trust or hope they had in trying to right anything with you or communicate with you. This was my dysfunctional tactic for far too long.
In the last 6 months, and particularly the last few weeks, I have been learning so much about my worth and value, what I want and don't want in my life, and how to communicate this truthfully with love, not anger and accusation. In doing so, I am learning how to love people so much better. I am learning the power of my choices. I will not manipulate nor allow myself to be manipulated. My “no” means “no” and my “yes” means “yes.” I will tell them what I want, don't want, and where my limits are for my own life in all types of relationships. I get to choose whose in my romantic sphere, my friendship sphere, and my professional spheres. I get to choose for me without dehumanizing other people or discounting their perspectives or wants. I respect their choices whether I agree with them or not. I am not responsible for other people's lives or choices, and they are not responsible for my life or choices. I love people and I will tell them the truth. I believe love and truth dignify people. All people deserve dignity. All people need love and truth. Be honest with people. Stop hiding. To hide is to be afraid, and I am no longer afraid. Come out into the Light and give others a reason to do the same. We can't do any of these things in anger. We can only do them with truth and love!
I am not angry anymore. The ability to choose in life is powerful. I am resolved to choose truth with love over anger. I have come out into the Light – it is freeing and no shadows can linger here. I will no longer align myself with those who can't or won't love me well. I forgive them. They have my prayers and hope for healing and wholeness. I know they are hurting too. I choose to love them and wish the best for them always. I will beckon them to the Light in all I say and do. I want them to win. I want better things for them, and I hope that one day, they too will be free!
My desire is that all of us will choose the better way – truth and love over anger. I want all of us to understand how powerful our choices are in this life. My hope is and will always be that all come to the Light. Today I ask you, what way do you choose - truth and love, or anger? Your choices carry more power than you will ever know. Choose well friends.
James 1:19-20 NIV ...everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.
Deuteronomy 30:19b NASB….I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life...
With much love,
Elizabeth
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