Hello everyone! Over the course of my healing journey, and particularly during blog series that I write; I will get additional inspiration and revelation I want to share with my readers. My thoughts today are one such piece. Although not directly connected to my new blog series I started a few weeks ago, I believe the themes here will resonate with many recovering co-dependent people. My hope is that something you read today will give you the courage to end toxic cycles and make the changes in your lives and relationships you need to make in order to be free and to really live – to live in a way that honors yourself and others around you.
I want to begin with some statements that may bite a few hearts and minds.
All of my life I have fallen all over myself for people – people who would not do the same for me. All of my life I have either willingly given up (because I thought I had to or it was “the Christian thing to do”) or allowed others to steal my peace, my rest, my love, my joy, my time, my body, and my money. I am here to tell you today that no one and nothing will steal my peace, my rest, my love, my joy, my time, my body, nor my money from this point forward – I will not even steal from myself. I am done bending over backwards for people who would never do that for me. I am done giving and giving and giving to and for people who don't care about me. They only care about what they can get from me or use me for in their own lives (e.g., steal). They are distractions. They do not belong to my purpose or calling. And worst of all, they are thieves.
All of my life I have kept “balcony” or “out of the stadium” people in the “front row” of my life. No more! If someone belongs in the “balcony” of my life because of a purposeful character issue or the fact that we are simply not on the same page, they will be waved at so to speak from afar with no ill will. If someone belongs “out of the stadium” because they are evil, they will be out of the stadium and I will not connect with them in any way. “Front row” people will be people who have proven trust worthy and whose character has spoken for them. “Front row” people will be people who love and care for me and people I can love and care for too. The sudden shift in relationships with some people in my life will be bothersome for them because they will no longer be able to control or use me. I am good with bothering them. I will protect my peace and my purpose. Drama and those who enjoy stirring it up or causing it do not have a home with me anymore. I can love people and not put up with their mess and/or ill treatment of me. These two things, love AND not putting up with whatever someone wants to dish out, can and do co-exist simultaneously.
The rest of my life will not be about doing what I have been doing all of my life. The rest of my life will be about living in freedom – freedom to be all God has called to be and freedom to be who I am. I will live abundantly! Death and those who serve death's purposes no longer have sway or a place in my life. I'm not eating the table scraps anymore that some have tried to pass off as “food” when in fact it was poison. I will sit at tables where the “food” is choice and refreshing for my heart and soul.
I want to close by saying that none of this change in me has come easy. I don't want easy. Healing is not easy. Breaking toxic cycles and leaving toxic relationships is not easy. Courage is not easy. Boundaries and learning to say no are not easy. You don't need easy. “Easy” is what got us entangled in toxic cycles and relationships in the first place. “Easy going” is what 100% of predatory humans are looking for in another person. All of us need to take responsibility for our own lives (not others' lives), and do the work of healing. We need to tend to our own lives and tend to our own peace. Peace is precious. Our own lives are precious. I am learning that when I take responsibility for my own life, peace comes to stay - I don't have to chase it. I have also learned not everyone has to understand my decisions nor like them. Accepting and liking me or my decisions are not required nor will they influence what I do from this point forward. I am already accepted and loved by Jesus – I don't need to do anything, jump through hoops, fall all over myself, or “work for it.” It's a free gift. His love and acceptance are a free gift to anyone who wants to accept them (Ephesians 2:8, Ephesians 1:6, NKJ).
What are you waiting for? Are you ready to stop doing what you have been doing all you life and do something different, something freeing? Haven't you suffered enough at the hands of others or yourself? The trajectory of your life can change. You can't change other people but you can change yourself. What do you say?
The time has come to be free! Go after it!
Love,
Elizabeth
Comments